Building and maintaining healthy relationships with others is not an exact science, and you can’t use a single formula to get you safely through your social realm. Anyway, there are still some basic principles you can figure out and try to follow when looking to bring some structure to your interpersonal communication patterns. 

Understanding the logic of standards and expectations is easily on the top of the list. And learning to use that insight in a healthy and transparent manner quickly follows. 

So, today, we are shining some light on the difference between high expectations vs. high standards, along with the ways to incorporate them in your relationships with others – be them romantic partners, friends, relatives, or colleagues.

What’s the Difference Between Standards and Expectations?

First of all, we need to make a clear distinction between both terms, regardless of how intuitively close to each other they may seem.

Standards are Your Steady Compass

Your standards are your personal set of “norms” of acceptable and unacceptable. They are rather unambiguous and pretty factual: open romantic relationships are either acceptable to you or not; sharing your budget is either acceptable or not; you can either accept being “seen” for three days, or not. 

Standards are not person-specific. They are the healthy boundaries, values, and principles you use to protect yourself from people and situations that you can’t tolerate. When you try to define your own value system, you’re not thinking of a potential partner – you are thinking of yourself.

Also – believe it or not – not everyone has the same standards in a relationship, and being open about your basis for judgment is vital for evaluating your fundamental compatibility with a person in the first place. 

Expectations are Your Fleeting Assumptions and Beliefs

If standards are very real, fixed, and persistent, expectations are more fluctuating, more dynamic, and more burdened with subjective emotion. Basically, they are your belief that something will happen or that someone will act in a certain way. 

Expectations can emerge, form, and evolve as a result of past experiences or hopes for the future. They can be fact-driven or absolutely irrational; they can be too optimistic or too pessimistic; they can be logical or not. And – as you may have already figured out yourself – relationship expectations can also be very painful if they are incongruent with what others deliver.

At the end of the day, both standards and expectations need to be intelligently managed if you’re after a fruitful, mutually satisfying relationship.

Why is Having High Standards in a Relationship Important?

Having high standards in love is basically a form of self care and self respect. If you’re struggling with your self esteem, you can easily slip and keep on tolerating behavior that hasn’t met your standards. That’s you being toxic to yourself – because no one else can be, unless you let them be. 

Your standards should never be lowered in order to meet the expectations of others. This simple management rule is evergreen, no matter if you’re running a business or your personal life. 

Always keep in mind that your momentary passions and fleeting affections will most probably sink into oblivion – but your mere self will always be in the spotlight, and a heartbreak is always better than self destruction.

Some of the examples of high standards in a relationship might be:

• Respect for your opinions, feelings, needs, beliefs, and desires;
• Shared values, ethics, morals, and even philosophy;
• Honesty, trustworthiness, and transparency in challenging situations;
• Feeling of safety, equality, and affection;
• Healthy conflict management and ability to communicate freely; 
• Mutual attraction and corresponding level of desire, etc.

You have a long list of high standards in a relationship? Good for you. Don’t settle with anything less, because you will most probably regret it in the long term. 

How to Manage Your Expectations in a Relationship?

To have high standards is one thing; but to manage your expectations is a different story. The correlation between those two is not unproblematic, especially when big feelings get in the way of your realistic judgment. 

The worst-case scenario is the one where you have high expectations towards people who obviously don’t even stand up to your standards. Being in love often does this trick to people, and that’s the fastest shortcut to disappointment. 

All in all, expectations are not the enemy. On the contrary – they can navigate your experience well enough, as long as they are realistic.

So, how to set expectations in a relationship?

• Take your time to reflect. Grow out of the moment and make your own list of general expectations you would have towards any partner before and after the current one. Become aware of your own needs, because that’s the only way you can share them.
• Make it a two-way street. Instead of giving up a list of demands, find a subtle way to communicate them softly and with emotional intelligence. A good strategy would be discussing your partner’s expectations as a way to understand, evaluate, and compare them with yours.
• Be open and honest. Being subtle and soft doesn’t mean being ambiguous and relying on some vague hints to make you understood. Call things by their real names and don’t substitute “I like spending the weekends alone in the mountains” with “I generally value my space”.
• Look at the bigger picture. Of course, your expectations might include your partner passionately singing along to your favorite song while sharing a twin flame moment. Anyway, focus your expectations around larger discourses like love language, life goals, compassion patterns – the things that can really affect you and your relationship.
• Leave a little space for growth. It’s rather unrealistic to expect that you and your significant other will have the exact same expectations towards each other. At the end of the day, you’re different people and staying open-minded is okay as long as it doesn’t mess with your standards. 

If you follow this simple pattern, designing healthy expectations becomes a mission not-so-impossible. Especially if you have the right person standing in front of you. 

High Expectations vs. High Standards: The “Standards – High, Expectations – Low” Strategy

Undoubtedly, having high expectations in a relationship can leave you frustrated for a long while – and the more unrealistic your assumptions, the greater the disappointment. Anyway, having no expectations at all is equally unhealthy. 

Volumes of philosophy and psychology have been written on the role of dreams, desires, and expectations in one’s life. So – once you’re sure your prospective partner is near your standards of a good match, your expectations will eventually occur, whether consciously or not. 

Instead of keeping yourself away from all expectations and deliberately distancing yourself emotionally, stay open, direct, and true to yourself and the person next to you. Share your desires; make the extra step to understand and be understood; give it a try and allow yourself to expect great things to happen.

Surely, great things will not always happen. But then – what if they do? 

Recent statistics suggest that problematic pornography use affects about 3% to 6% of the adult population worldwide. In the meantime, The World Health Organization estimates a solid 4% of depression sufferers or about 280 million people all over the globe. 

Of course, these two groups don’t necessarily overlap. In fact, many studies have been carried out in recent years to define and explain the connection between pornography and depression. None of them proved a direct cause-effect correlation, but many of them showed steady overlapping between these phenomena. 

So – can porn make you depressed? Or can your depression drive you to increased porn consumption? Let’s see how things work. 

How Does Porn Cause Depression?

Once again – no one ever proved it does. Or at least not directly. 

There isn’t a single mechanism through which porn will immediately turn you into a sad and self-pitying emotional wreck. Instead, there is a long list of possible interdependence patterns that may include:

• Taboos. Your background cultural and religious background forms a rather significant part of your value system, whether you want it or not. Certain inbound stereotypes might lead you to a persistent feeling of guilt and shame for consuming pornographic content, causing you to blame yourself and feel pretty bad.
• Loneliness. Lacking actual physical intimacy and feeling lonely or isolated is among the most commonly spread porn addiction causes. This is a vicious circle where you turn to adult content to satisfy your basic sexual urges but then find yourself gradually depressed about not being able to meet them in any other way.
• Negative self-image. Early exposure to pornographic content might form some rather unrealistic expectations about intimacy and sexual life in general. And although porn comes in all shapes and sizes, it can often make you feel insecure about your attractiveness and “skills”.
• Emotional deprivation. If excessive and long-term, porn watching can lead you to objectify the people around you and consider sex to be more physical than an emotional act. Surely, this is not good news for your general intimate life and ability to form healthy bonds with your partners. 

And though these mechanisms are often enough observed in problematic porn users, they are still far from a “formula” that puts a sign of equality between watching porn and being depressed.

Pornography and Depression vs. Self Pity

It’s more logical and realistic to assume that self-isolating and excessive porn use are common among individuals prone to self-pity rather than clinical depression. And if clinical depression can cause severe symptoms on a purely physical level, self-pity is more of exaggerating misfortune to the point where you become addicted to being sad.

Of course, both conditions are classified as mental health issues and can often overlap with one another. Still, self-pity is a thinking pattern you can work on by choice, while clinical depression is best addressed by a certified mental health practitioner. 

Can Porn Make Depression Worse?

And if there isn’t a single valid proof of the direct correlation between porn and depression, things are different when an already depressed person turns to porn. The reasons are purely physical and are relatively easy to explain.

Low serotonin and dopamine levels are among the most common chemical imbalances observed in people with depression. But then, an orgasm will give you a super fast and efficient serotonin and dopamine hit, making you feel calm and relaxed immediately after. 

However, the “do it for the happiness hormones” strategy is not very sustainable. Just like using drugs, watching porn is something you develop a tolerance to. Then, to get the same effect, you need to do it more often and in larger doses. That’s how treating depression with porn can turn you into a literal pornography addict and stop you on your way to a healthy mental state.

Can Porn Addiction Lead to Anxiety?

Discussing porn and anxiety isn’t much different than discussing porn and depression. There is still no direct “cause and effect” mechanism, but there are certain risks for predisposed individuals. 

Taboos, guilt, shame, and insecurity can both trigger and worsen your anxiety – especially when you begin to compare your intimate life with the adult movie-making industry standards. So if you find yourself feeling less satisfied and having more tension when being intimate with someone, it’s time to consider if you haven’t gone too far.

If not addressed timely and adequately, severe porn addiction can damage your general well-being to the point where professional help is the only option. Unfortunately, statistics don’t say much about porn and suicide, but a quick browse through the Internet will give you a fair number of personal stories thrilling enough to make you think twice and seek support when you need it. 

Stay tuned to the RexalifyApp blog for more insight into mental health, emotional well-being, and coping mechanisms that will help you solve a problem without creating a chain of additional issues to be solved! 

Emotional intelligence, also referred to as EI or EQ (Emotional Quotient), was first mentioned in the second half of the 20th century and has been increasingly researched as a concept ever since. 

Suppose you’re not specialising in interpersonal communication or self-development strategies. In that case, you probably still consider emotional intelligence a trait that mainly benefits the people around you. 

Anyway, a person with high emotional intelligence is likely to experience some rather beneficial consequences of it. And today, we are telling you more about them!

First Things First: What is High Emotional Intelligence?

Looking for the shortest possible explanation to EI? Basically, that is the ability to understand and manage your own emotions, as well as the emotions of the people around you.

In a fundamental writing on the subject, psychologist Daniel Goleman identifies five elements that add up to each other to build a high level of emotional intelligence, and these are:

Self-awareness

Self-awareness, self-assessment, and self-confidence are among the most fundamental emotional intelligence traits in an individual. 

These are the mindfulness-based mechanisms through which you understand yourself, recognize the impact of your emotions on your behaviour, and maintain a positive feeling of self-worth. 

Self-regulation

Recognizing your emotions is one thing, but controlling them is a world of its own. Self-regulation is all about staying in control and not letting your emotional dynamics mess with your overall values and definitions of acceptable behaviour. 

This high emotional intelligence element might require working on your anger-management skills, adapting mechanisms, and willingness to take responsibility for your actions. It’s not just about deep breathing – it’s about allowing yourself to stay yourself, even in the most challenging situations. 

Motivation

It also goes by the name of self-discipline, or the ability to keep your focus, even when your emotions are calculating some pressure. Motivation has a lot to do with goal-setting, achievement celebration, and keeping your sense of purpose – both personally and professionally. 

Emotionally intelligent motivation has nothing to do with compulsive multitasking or designing the perfect burnout scenario. Instead, it has to do with keeping your integrity, even if emotional distractions get in your way. 

Empathy

Some people are natural empaths, while others learn on the way. This fundamental soft skill is all about genuinely trying to understand someone else’s viewpoint and walking a mile in their shoes before you act or react. 

Empathy involves a lot of active listening, emotion recognition, and compassion. This is especially important when you don’t share a background with the person in front of you – including cultural predispositions, religious views, or even a value system. 

Social Skills

Social skills and relationship management will play an important role in both your career development and your personal life story. So, the broader “social skills” term actually stands for:

• Staying present and actively reading the air in the group of people around you;
• Showing organisational awareness and the ability to motivate behaviours in people;
• Building social networking and decision-making paths where everyone’s concerns are taken into consideration;
• Adapting to a changing situation and helping others adapt stress-free as well;
• Supporting others in their pursues, abilities, talents, and inspirations;
• Resolving conflicts and disagreements in a collaborative and respectful way;
• Helping people and groups feel safe, appreciated, and cooperative;
• Building bonds between members of the group, yourself including.

The list can go on forever, but you already get the point – social skills are all about making communication a pleasure rather than a burden. 

And if all of the above sounds way too abstract for you – you can always take the professionally designed emotional intelligence test of Psychology Today to see where exactly you are standing on the scale. 

Benefits of High Emotional Intelligence

You can recognize a highly emotionally intelligent person by their ability to stay focused, present, and resilient in challenging situations. They seem to always find a way to demonstrate respect towards themselves and others, manage difficulties with dignity, and act as a reflector that shows everyone’s strengths and weaknesses in a constructive way. 

Yes – everyone loves being around these types of people, and everyone benefits from being this type of person. 

• Showing high emotional intelligence in the workplace can easily make you a natural leader and opinion-maker in your professional community.
  
• High emotional intelligence can improve your relationships with others, making you a preferred friend, relative, co-worker, partner, or significant other.
  
• Being an emotionally intelligent parent will help you raise strong, confident, and respectful children with healthy boundaries.
  
• High emotional intelligence is proven to enhance the overall physical and mental well-being of all genders, ages, and cultural backgrounds.
  
• Research shows that people with high EQ will earn on average £22,000 more per year – so yes! – that self-improvement tactic is also profitable.
  
• Emotional resilience and awareness will help you make smarter decisions and pursue your long-term goals without being trapped in short-term drama. 

At the end of the day, the EQ superpower will improve your performance in all areas of life and will help you act and feel like a valued member of society instead of a lone wolf that hardly keeps it together. 

Can You Improve Your Emotional Intelligence?

In contrast to conventional intelligence or IQ, emotional intelligence is something you can actively work on. Of course, different temperaments are not equally susceptible to radical changes. Still, a smart strategy and consistency can get you a long way. 

Some techniques for improving your emotional intelligence can be:

• Practising emotion recognition with both friends and strangers;
• Engaging in practices of mindfulness, meditation, and body scanning;
• Working on your focus, concentration, and goal-setting;
• Expanding your social bubble and staying open-minded towards diversity;
• Practice active listening and focus on people’s statements rather on your replies;
• Learn to give and receive constructive criticism without hard feelings;
• Don’t avoid analysing your feelings and cross out escapism from your coping mechanism list.

Though easier said than done, these tactics will help you further improve your emotional response and enjoy all the benefits of controlling your feelings instead of letting them control you.

The good news? Your journey with RelaxifyApp will take you through all the steps described above with some fun and engaging games to play on the go. So – all you need to do is make the first step and walk the rest of them together with us!

Can stress and anxiety be regulated by minding the products you put on your plate?

First thing first – there is no such thing as a magical pizza that you can eat and immediately achieve the ultimate level of psychological well-being. Of course, any regular pizza can give you a fleeting feeling of happiness, but that is usually not a solid long-term strategy. 

Anyway, there is an extended research base that investigates all the ways our diet affects our emotional and cognitive well-being, and – unsurprisingly – some foods prove more beneficial than others. 

Below, you will find the top five groups of foods that demonstrate a positive effect on the psychological state – as well as the ways they actually achieve that.

Magnesium-Rich Foods for Managing Stress and Anxiety

Magnesium is a well-known mineral that relieves muscle tension and promotes overall relaxation in the body. Moreover, it plays an important role in metabolizing cortisol – one of the main stress hormones, along with adrenaline and norepinephrine. 

Now that science has spoken, here are some of the magnesium-rich foods you can add to your diet in order to naturally battle stress and tension:

• Pumpkin seeds;
• Cashews and almonds;
• Broccoli and spinach;
• Bananas and papayas;
• Dried figs;
• Avocados, etc.

And – take this as a bonus – dark chocolate!

Probiotic Foods

In 2020, the University Health News published an article on the so-called “psychobiotics”. Put shortly, these are a type of probiotics that are shown to have a positive effect on patients that suffer psychological distress or psychiatric illness.

Psychobiotics improve the gut-brain connection, thus boosting the mood, relieving the episodes of anxiety, and even easing depression to a certain extent. If you want to enhance your gut microbial diversity and enjoy the side perks, you can boost your diet with:

• Natural and unsweetened yogurt;
• Fermented vegetables;
• Probiotic drinks such as kefir and kombucha;
• Soft cheeses and sourdough bread.

Of course, there are multiple probiotic products available as a food supplement. You can choose and take such a product after you meet up with your doctor and get their personalized recommendations. 

High-Fiber Foods

Dietary fiber improves your peristalsis, feeds the good bacteria in your intestines, and can also prove beneficial for your weight control plan. In addition, recent research suggests that a fiber-rich diet can be surprisingly good for brightening your mood and balancing your behavioral patterns.

More specifically – in research published by the National Center of Biotechnology Information, fructooligosaccharide and galactooligosaccharide actually improved anxiety and depression in participants that consumed around ≥ 5 g per day.

Some of the healthiest (and yummiest!) fiber-rich foods against stress and anxiety are:

• Whole grains and beans;
• Nuts and seeds;
• Virtually all types of raw fruits and vegetables.

If you’re looking for a guilty fiber pleasure here, keep in mind that home-made popcorn now has a legitimate place in your well-being program!

Omega-3s

Modern nutritional sciences have already spread the word that not all fat is bad for your health. On the contrary – healthy fats are just as vital for your well-being as protein, fiber, vitamins, and minerals. 

Omega-3 fatty acid, for example, is proven to reduce inflammation, support the proper blood flow in the brain, and regulate neurodevelopment through serotonin. Long story short – this fatty acid is even officially used as a supplement in treating conditions like depression, generalized anxiety, and schizophrenia. 

You can get your daily dose of Omega-3 support from natural sources like:

• Fish, caviar, and other seafood;
• Seeds and nuts;
• Cold-pressed plant oils;
• Seaweed and algae;
• Brussels sprouts
• Kale, spinach, broccoli, and cauliflower.

Also, many products on the market come fortified with Omega-3, and this may include yogurt, juices, traditional and nut milk, etc. 

Herbal Teas and Spices for Stress and Anxiety

Finally, traditional herbal medicine has been used for balancing the mood and the nervous system for millennia now. There are multiple medicinal plants and local spices that your grandma has probably told you about, but – surprisingly or not – modern science actually confirms. 

The active ingredients in these plants have adaptogenic properties, stress-reducing effects, and an overall positive impact on brain function and mood-regulating hormones. Your natural artillery can include – but not limit itself to – the following:

• Valerian root;
• Passionflower;
• Chamomile;
• St. John’s wort;
• Lemon balm;
• Rhodiola;
• Licorice;
• Lavender;
• Ashwagandha, etc.

Also, mood-balancing spices such as turmeric, cinnamon, and ginseng now come in the form of capsules and powders that you can easily add to meals, smoothies, and even juices. 

So, will your psychological state magically reach an all-time peaking level of serenity once you add these foods to your diet? Probably not. 

But will you start feeling a mood boost once you have these as a long-term part of your daily diet? Most probably yes.

Add regular physical activity, quality rest, and a supportive social environment, and you will have all the prerequisites of doing better than you are today. Just because being well always begins with eating well, and the rest is up to you and your intelligent self-care routine against stress and anxiety.

Managing workloads and balancing between professional and personal growth is often easier said than done. Moreover, recognizing the early signs of burnout is often harder than you might expect. More often than you might expect, really. 

A survey held throughout the UK in 2020 revealed that 44% of employees had had casual burnout symptoms, while 23% were experiencing habitual burnout. 

In case you’ve been wondering what is burnout exactly, here it comes:

The World Health Organization recently included burnout as a part of their International Classification of Diseases, defining it as “a chronic workplace stress that has not been successfully managed.” Moreover – they estimated that 1 in 4 adults would be affected by burnout at some point in their lives. 

What Are The Five Stages of Burnout?

According to the Veninga and Spradley’s Stage Model, further adapted by the Winona State University, burnout unveils in five stages:

1. The Honeymoon Stage: Marked by high job satisfaction, engagement, enthusiasm, and creativity.
2. The Balancing Stage: You now are certainly aware that some days are better than others when it comes to handling job stress.
3. The Chronic Stress Stage: Characterized by early signs of burnout such as chronic fatigue, physical sickness, irritation, and despair.
4. The Burnout Crisis Stage: Your physical symptoms intensify and multiply, you obsess over work difficulties, and you develop an “escapist mentality.”
5. The Enmeshment: The indications of burnout are so rooted in your lifestyle that you are more likely to be identified with another significant physical or emotional problem rather than burnout. 

Needless to say – the earlier you identify and address your burnout symptoms, the easier it would be for you to regain balance successfully. On the other hand, ignoring these indications will put you in a state of habitual burnout. Then, your condition can further develop into anxiety, depression, and even chronic physical illness.

10+ Early Signs of Burnout 

Experts point out a list of red flags that can serve you as an early burnout checklist. Here is what they include:

Low Spirits

It begins with a cynical attitude towards your career and your workplace… But then it easily extends to different areas of your life – including socially, personally, and generally. Things that used to inspire you do not produce a positive impression anymore. Your work can become mechanical, and you may become emotionally distant from everyone around you.

Persistent Tiredness and Sleep Disturbances

“When you feel so tired, but you can’t sleep…” something has been going in the wrong direction. This is a vicious cycle when you feel a constant lack of energy and vitality, and yet you aren’t able to get a good night of sleep. You find it hard to fall asleep, you wake up easily, and your dreams are not-so-relaxing. 

Anxiety and Mood Swings

If your cognitive and emotional compass is going mad these days, pay attention. Early signs of burnout include irritability, depressive symptoms, anxiousness, and frequent mood shifts that are hard to control. Of course, these symptoms can indicate different mental health difficulties – but if they get worse at your workplace or you simply classify them as work-related, burnout is a probable cause to look into.

Changes in Your Work Performance

Everyone has their ups and downs, but lengthier declines of performance come to reveal less concentration, less motivation, less focus, and less ability to realize one’s potential. If you can’t bring yourself to stick to your schedule or simply forget tasks all the time, you might want to design a plan for restoring your inner balance. 

And Others

Your general physical and mental well-being, combined with the type of job you’re having and the way you’re usually handling stress, can produce a variety of early signs of burnout such as:

• Detachment and apathy;
• Self-doubt episodes and self-image issues;
• Headaches and migraines;
• Nausea and brain fog;
• Reduced sexual drive;
• Repetitive stomach problems;
• Sadness, gloominess, and negativity. 

The more of them you’re experiencing, the more likely a burnout is. In some cases, it may take months to pick up the pieces and see the whole picture – but once you do, you are strongly advised to react timely and try to revise your perspective. 

How Long Does It Take to Recover From a Burnout?

Sometimes, taking a casual break and distracting yourself is simply not enough to address burnout. In fact, heavy burnouts can take months and even years to overcome, so you will need a long-term strategy. 

Setting a healthy work-life balance needs to be your top priority once you suspect burnout. It begins when you set boundaries and stop trying to be there for everyone, every minute of your day. 

Instead, plug off when your working hours are done and begin focusing on your healthy diet, physical activities, and social life satisfaction. Enjoy a nice hobby, spend more time in natural settings, and don’t hesitate to reach out for help if you need to. 

Well-being apps and games are a good way to begin your journey yourself. Meanwhile, share your experiences with friends and family, or reach out to support groups in or outside your professional circle.

If that’s not enough – seek a professional opinion on how to address your problem and re-evaluate your priorities. Because – yes! – there is nothing wrong with being your own top priority and putting your needs above the needs of your employers.